I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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