I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
