Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
