When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
