Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
