all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
