Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
