He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
