plz talk dirty to me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
