If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
