im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Randomize
