so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
