but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
