wakey wakey hands off snakey
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
