Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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