I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
