somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
