booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
