My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
