I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
