She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
