Don't make out with my wife yet
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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