im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
