ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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