and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
