Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
