im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
