census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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