"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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