Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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