the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
