Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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