i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
