A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
