What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This baby is an asshole
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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