What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
