She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
