Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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