Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
