Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
