bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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