Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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