This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
