YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
