I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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