Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
