You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
