I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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