i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
