I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
