He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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