Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
