my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
