Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
